It has been over a week since my straightedge lifestyle has finished. Lots of my friends are asking me if I've fallen back in to my old lifestyle, if i've started drinking loads again.

I say, "Of course I haven't", but really I should say, "Well, kind of". In all honesty I've kept a little bit of my straightedge lifestyle and I've gone back to a little bit of my old, unhealthy lifestyle.

I'm still going to the gym but not twice a week like I used to. I'm finding that I'm making excuses not to go but when I do go I work hard there. As for takeaways, I've been to the chip show twice or so since last week. Not good, I know. Think of it like this though. Before my period of straightedge I used to go three to four times a week, which wasn't healthy for me.

Finally, I come to alcohol.I used to binge drink in the first year. So much so that when my friends asked me if I wanted to go to the LRV dressed as a woman, I did it. Not a highlight of my life.

On the day that I finished this godforsaken blog, I went to the local outdoor and purchased a bottle of wine, red wine to be precise. After a glass I was on the floor. It affected me in a way alcohol has never affected me before.

It was a good feeling though.

I've just come back from the Ember Lounge(Student Union) and it was awesome. Not because of the people I was there with, not because there was something great going on but because for the first time in nearly two months I had a beer.

It was like tasting beer for the first time.....well since the first time over ten years ago.



I won't lie to you guys because I feel by now we can tell each other anything. I felt quite drunk even after one beer. I felt like a girl whose over-done it on the VK Cherry.

We went to watch the football but for the life of me I can't remember who.

I'm going to attempt going to Gobble this Wednesday for the Christmas Party but I don't think I will last too long.

When I think back to when I started this blog, I remember feeling optimistic. I remember being really excited about it and wanting to start as soon as possible. It quickly became apparent that the key to being straightedge was having other people around you who were straightedge.

That was my problem, I didn't have anyone like that around me. That night at the LRV was kind of like the last straw. Being surrounded by drunken messes did not really help my straightedge lifestyle.

I found this video on YouTube the other day, it really gave me more of an insight into the straightedge lifestyle. It made me realise the the straightedge movement is a lot more than just not drinking and taking drugs. It's about keeping yourself 'pure' to a certain degree.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I miss alcohol. I miss takeaways, chocolate,crisps and I miss tea a hell of a lot more than those previously mentioned. Being able to dunk a custard cream into a 'brew' was my only salvation.

I absolutely regret doing this idea for my blog now. My near non-existent social life has actually become non-existent. This can be attributed to just one thing about my straightedge lifestyle...no alcohol.

The best moments of the last five years have all involved alcohol or alcohol related incidents, as sad as it may seem. I don't have a wife, I don't have kids and I certainly am not involved in any sports clubs so all the winners of 'The Besties' (the imaginary award for the best moments) have been alcohol induced.

When deciding what to do for my blog I toyed with the idea of doing a music related blog. In retrospect, that would have been a much better idea. I could have even learned something new, written a movie based blog or even go for the typical sports based memorandum.

So as I sit here at 9pm on the 18th November, I am a month sober....and it sucks.